Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
