just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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