Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
