I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
