Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
