you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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