I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize