just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm passing your future prison.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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