Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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