Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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