P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
