I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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