I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
