I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
