just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
