I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wakey wakey hands off snakey
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
