After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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