he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
