why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
