He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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