I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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