If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
