my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
