The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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