There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
