Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
