You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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