ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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