God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
