September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
