I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
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Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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