Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
