Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
