So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
