I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
