Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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