We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
