Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
