to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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