I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
