i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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