im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
