A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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