Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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