Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
