i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
