I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We left the knife in your bed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
