Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
