I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
