I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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