dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
