omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
