if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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