you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
