so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
