I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
