At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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