don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
