I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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