I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
