I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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