his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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