My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
