Three words: puerto rican gang bang
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
