Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
