What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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