I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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