His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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