is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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