Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
