I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
