i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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