I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
