did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
