Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
