a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
