my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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