love makes seman taste better
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
