Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
