oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just cut my nipple shaving
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
