Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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